The Amazing Race: Please, Lord, Give Me Milk

Filed under: Recaps & Reviews

This week, the teams are heading from the Netherlands to Ouagadougou, Burkina Faso, which makes me very, very jealous. In pre-leg interviews, Ronald tells us that maybe, just maybe, he was a little hard on Christina last time. Also, he's developed a hernia. Oh goody. I can't wait to see what kind of a mood he's in this week.

No one can pronounce Ouagadougou properly except Christina and Azaria, sorta kinda. I am incredibly gratified when they at least make the teams figure out what country and continent contain said city, so it's for once a bit more of a clue than a direction. When the teams arrive, they are supposed to take taxis to a particular train station.

We're treated to several introspective interviews in which teams tell us what is or is not wrong with their particular relationship. Mmm, self-analysis. On their way to the airport, some teams manage to figure out where Ouagadougou is on their own, while others need to borrow cell phones or do internet research at the airport.

Everyone gets the same flight through Paris, except Nate & Jenn, who get on an earlier flight to Paris but have the same second leg to Ouagadougou. (I love that word, people.) They're hoping they can finagle something fancy in the in between and get to Africa before everyone else. Things start to look up for them when the second Amsterdam-Paris flight is delayed at takeoff. It really doesn't look like anyone but Nate & Jenn is going to get on the Paris-Ouagadougou flight. But alas and alack for them, and huzzah for everyone else, they all make it just in the nick of time. Nate & Jenn are understandably disappointed but hand off a few begrudging glad-to-see-yous as everyone files onto the plane.

In Burkina Faso, everyone gets to the train station with little trouble (except for Shana & Jennifer, who have not learned the fine art of negotiating with cab drivers who don't speak your language – I, on the other hand, live in Vancouver, and am mastering this skill quickly). Marianna & Julia speak to their taxi driver in English, French and Spanish. Oh, now that's just showing off.

Nate & Jenn are first to the clue that tells them to take the train to a "town" called Bingo. The awesome part is that there are not really any train stations or stops along the line, and basically some dude just yells out "Bingo" at an arbitrary tree, and you hope you hear him in time to scramble off. Once off the train, teams are to search for their clue. Which could be anywhere in the vicinity. Man, it's like they're making them work. Unfortunately for everyone except Gramps, the ticket counter doesn't open until the next morning, so the teams hang out and have some kind of African dance party during which Marianna & Julia flirt shamelessly with Gramps, who develops some sort of appalling crush on the both of them. He's half adorable, half creepster. Like most grandpas.

The next morning, everyone's on the same train, and Shana & Jennifer are being kind of rude about the country and the people, but not really on the level of teams we've seen in just about every season previous. I think it's a bit of a case where it's the kind of thing most of us would say to our friends when we're tired and miserable and things start smelling a little bad, but that should probably be kept to one's self when cameras are rolling and one is representing one's (extremely privileged) country to the rest of the world. Most of the other teams, for their parts, appear to be fully appreciating the cultural education.

Teams get off the train at Bingo and pull the next clue, a Roadblock asking who's ready to work up a thirst. The chosen teammate must milk a camel (one-humped!) until a small bowl is full up to a certain line, then drink the milk. They have to stick with the camel they pick and can only switch if another team finishes up and their camel is free. I'm not going to lie to you, it doesn't look like a whole lot of fun. Teammates milking, in order of arrival, are TK, Lorena, Azaria, Lipstick Girl, Nate, Jennifer, Julia (possibly – seriously, those two look exactly the same), Christina and Gramps. Lorena has huge problems with this right from the start. She is just straight up freaking out front to back, and it only gets worse. There is a lot of screaming and crying and constipated faces from her camp; most everyone else has little to no trouble with the task, or if they do (Julia, Nate), they remain mostly calm about it.

The next clue (obtained first by TK & Rachel) tells the teams to lead four camels along a marked path to waiting Tuareg (like the Volkswagen!) nomads. (Waiting Nomads is the name of my new emo band, by the way.) This time, the animal-leading task is not nearly as ornery as last time with the donkeys. The clue the Waiting Nomads hand the teams contains instructions to head to a nearby school where teams can either Teach It or Learn It. Teach It involves teaching the English words for ten objects to a local schoolchild, while in Learn It, teams learn ten words in what I'm pretty sure Phil says is Mòoré, the primary African language of the area, from one of the kids.

First to the school are TK & Rachel, who choose to teach. Nate & Jenn and the Lipsticks will learn, while Nic & Gramps and Ron & Christina are teaching. Back at Camel's Milk Central, things are gross. The milk is kind of gritty and apparently it's also quite smelly and warm (as one would expect), and frankly, I am a little disgusted.

Teams teaching and learning. The kids are completely adorable and have incredibly beautiful accents. A&H are learning, sort of without the help of any kids, and knock it out really quickly, each focusing on five of the ten words. There are as many different techniques for this as there are teams, it seems. Nic & Gramps's girl can't really wrap her mouth around "skyscraper," in particular, and I'm pretty sure it's because Nic is a bit of a Mr. Mumblekins.

A&H recite their words to the teacher and get their clue, sending them along a marked path to the pit stop, in the tiny hut village of Bingo. They pick up a local and arrive in first. Then they win a five-night vacation in Bermuda and freak out over it while their villager friend stands there looking on, all, "Dudes, thanks for the hugs and everything, but perhaps I would also like a vacation for my trouble and the fact that I am standing here in the pouring rain without an umbrella." Oh, did I not mention a storm has brewed? One has.

Meanwhile, Lorena and Julia are still milking, and everyone else is either teaching or learning. Everything is going smoothly at the school, and there is this especially cute little scene when Nate & Jenn are reciting their words and Jenn does a little swooshy dance move with every word. I think it helps her get into the rhythm of the language or something.

And now, all of a sudden, TK & Rachel, Nate & Jenn and the Lipsticks are all arriving at the pit stop at the exact same time in second through fourth places, respectively. Even Phil is impressed that they came all this way and managed to accomplish that particular feat. Ronald & Christina and Nic & Gramps are directly behind in fifth and sixth. That's going to be a hullabaloo leaving all at the same time the next morning.

Lorena & Jason and Marianna & Julia finally, finally finish the milking Roadblock, and are allegedly neck and neck right up to the pit stop, but somehow I think the girls fell behind a bit during the school task and I don't think it's nearly as close as we're made to believe. Meanwhile, Shana & Jennifer have arrived in seventh, obviously feeling they were much worse off than that. There appears to be a footrace to the mat between the last two teams, but M&J, in their scene, have dropped their packs and Lorena & Jason, in theirs, have not, and do not appear to be in any special hurry to beat anyone to the mat, and quite clearly know that someone is still behind them. Lorena & Jason are eight, and here are the sisters, arriving at last, in last, and they are eliminated.

Hey, I didn't want to punch Ronald more than once or twice in this episode! He's either learning from his mistakes or the hernia is shutting him up in a big way. Next week: dancing and fighting. What else?

Tags: The Amazing Race

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