Review: Blade Trinity

Filed under: Reviews

Okay, here we are at the third film in the Blade series and supposedly the final film in the series. All I can say to that is it's about time.

1998's Blade was a fun little action picture that helped pave the way for an onslaught of Marvel Comics characters to make their way onto the big screen. The merry Marvel movies have swallowed up the box office in huge doses so why not make another Blade movie?

This time another assortment of "B-grade" actors assemble as stubborn vamps to step in the way of the samurai-sword wielding vampire-slayer Blade (Wesley Snipes). In this film, the group's secret weapon is the brain-dead Prince of Darkness himself, Dracula or Drake (Dominic Purcell).

Another hunter is also hunting Blade " the FBI " who wants to bring him in after a cooked up murder charge. To avoid getting captured, Blade must team-up with a group of rookie vampire hunters known as the Nightstalkers to take down Drake and clear his name. The Nightstalkers are lead by ex-vampire and smart-mouth Hannibal King (Ryan Reynolds) and dashing upstart Abigail Whistler (Jessica Biel), daughter of Blade's mentor Whistler (Kris Kristofferson).

There are just so many things wrong with this picture it is difficult where to start. From the horrendous rock-a-phonic soundtrack to the repetitive fight sequences to laughable Dracula myth, Blade Trinity is by far the worst of the series.

If you want Blade to face off against his nemesis from the comic-book series, then why not give Dracula his due? Give us the real Dracula, not some playboy with a deep voice who wears some pathetic armor and can transform into a spiny-looking Predator thingy. I have to give Dominic Purcell credit. He was so good in the short-lived series John Doe, but here he has been reduced to a side-show freak. I am still convinced that Blade didn't take on Dracula, even after seeing the flick.

Then there is the whole inside joke that the "real" Dracula wouldn't walk around in a hooded cape. Well he wouldn't be a Predator either.

Aside from the ridiculous and awful Dracula, there are Dracula's minions including Parker Posey, Callum Keith Rennie, and wrestler Triple H. I have never liked Posey because no matter what role she does, it always seems to be tongue-in-cheek and she becomes her own worst enemy. In this flick, nothing has changed. Rennie prances around trying to look evil, but something about him made me think he should have been Igor and started eating bugs. Then there's Triple H. He's huge, buff, and mean so which is he " a vampire or a wrestler, or does he know?

The only small things I liked about the film were the goofy comments from Ryan Reynolds, who continues to be one of the best actors in the worst movies working today. Would someone please give this guy a great movie already? The other is seeing Jessica Biel go all Buffy. Damn, I miss that series. Oh, and what the heck was with her damn iPod anyway?

I wanted this to be a fun action flick that would seal the series like it was supposed to, but what we get is a sequel that should have gone straight to video. Sorry Wesley and Ryan. At least the Dracula from Van Helsing only had the lisp.

Blade (1998) (4 out of 5)
Blade 2 (2001) (2.5 out of 5)
Blade Trinity (2004) (1.5 out of 5)

So Says the Soothsayer.

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