Review: 40 Days and 40 Nights

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The creators of 40 Days and 40 Nights have turned San Francisco into a complete idiot's utopia where all the girls are easy and stupid, and all the guys are stupid and horny. It seems to be a pretty good arrangement for the citizens seeing as though their loins rule them all. One day, however, a lone soul stands up and says, "No, I will not let my cock rule me! (at least for a while)"

Damn this movie was stupid! Heartthrob Josh Hartnett plays Matt. Matt is obsessed with his ex-girlfriend who dumped him six months ago. Matt survives his obsession by having sex with many anonymous women and confiding in his brother who happens to be a priest in training. Matt then makes a very noble decision - he will give up sex for the 40 days of lent in order to get over Nicole (his ex). Actually it's not just sex he'll be giving up, but all forms of sexual contact. Rubbing, sucking, kissing, touching... the list goes on, but they are all forbidden due to his vow.

Matt's friends doubt that he can do it and decide to hold a betting pool to see who can guess the day he will cave. One day in the laundromat, Matt meets Erica. Erica is a beautiful girl played by Shannyn Sossamon who co-starred in my least favorite film of all time, A Knight's Tale. Erica just so happens to be a cyber-nanny - she searches the internet for porn sights that come up when innocent children type an innocent word like "sandbox" in their innocent search engine. Matt and Erica begin connecting, but it's totally not a sexual thing!!! Erica is unaware of Matt's vow, but discovers it through her work because the betting pool has gotten so big it is all over the net.

Okay, I've tortured you enough with its inane plot. This movie is crap. It relies on erection/masturbation/ejaculation humor, bare breasts (99% of women in the film are hot), and blasphemy in order to get cheap laughs. There is even a lesbian kiss (with tongue!), but even that can't save this filmic disaster. Clearly this movie is meant to be taken tongue-in-cheek, but the characters are ALL so detestable that you can't... it's impossible to... ARGH!!!!!!!!!! Okay Jeremy... settle down. *deep breath* Ah, that's better. Hartnett's character is the only tolerable one of the bunch. Erica, who is meant to be a free-spirited epiphany for Matt, is simply irritating and not really likeable at all. Perhaps this is because we don't get to know her at all before she is thrown into her bizarre relationship with Matt... oh hell! I don't have to justify my slander of this movie. If I could go back to when I was 16, and erased any intelligible thoughts that had permeated my adolescent mind, MAYBE this movie could be upgraded to sludge.

Oh yeah, there is a religious analogy running throughout the entire movie (Matt is tempted for 40 days, like Jesus was in the desert) that is stupid at best. This movie truly felt like... 40 days and 40 nights.

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