Filed under: Recaps & Reviews
This week we are treated to a special guest appearance by Breckin Meyer, Taub gets a shiny new car and the new dynamic duo of House and Sherlock treats us to a jam session full of sharp dialogue and bluesy licks. Oh yeahhhh.
The patient du jour is none other than Mr. Breckin Meyer, perhaps best known (to me anyway) for his roles in such classic films as Clueless and Josie and the Pussycats. In this episode, Mr. Meyer plays Brandon, an artist who has been unintentionally channeling Picasso. When we first meet him, Brandon is just finishing up a nude portrait he has been commissioned to paint by a middle aged married couple. Unfortunately, when they see the portrait they are less than pleased, because her face and body are completely distorted. To Brandon the portrait looks completely normal, so clearly there is something wrong with him.
Through some very farfetched deductive reasoning, House figures out that Brandon has not sold a painting in a very long time, and has been participating in multiple clinical drug trials to help boost his income. The team decides to put him on dialysis to clear all of the drugs from his bloodstream. In theory he should be cured.
But this is House, and things are never that simple. A few hours after the dialysis, Brandon's head and neck swell up. He sort of looks like a giant potato with hair and a mouth, it's really gross. Foreman has to perform an exploratory tracheotomy to help him breath, and his face is so swollen it has squeezed his tear ducts shut, so a nurse and the girlfriend have to manually lubricate his eyeballs for him. That's love baby! House seems to think that the swelling is a symptom of rapid detoxing , because he's seen Trainspotting so he knows what detox is all about.
The team puts Brandon back on the drugs and tries to wean him off of them more gradually. The swelling goes down and his head goes back to its normal non-potato shape and size. But as Thirteen is checking up on him he attacks her, pulling her on top of him and trying to...well, you know. Thirteen manages to get away by punching him in his newly un-swollen face. Taub thinks that the drugs have set off a dormant neurological condition, because clearly you'd have to be crazy to want to make out with Thirteen (har, har). House orders the team to do a cranial angiogram to find out if there are any lesions in Brandon's temporal lobe.
Taub doesn't find anything in Brandon's brain, but he seems to think that now there is a problem with his heart. So Taub and Kumar do an EP to see if they can find a heart arrhythmia. During the EP, Brandon's heart starts to race. I am unclear at this point whether or not he is having a heart attack because they bring out the panels and shock him, but he is awake during the whole thing. I guess that's why there are real fake doctors in the world. While Brandon is mid-heart attack, House notices that his hair is growing in red. Cool.
Kumar runs some tests during the commercial break and determines that Brandon has Romano-Ward Syndrome (a condition that causes a disruption of the heart's normal rhythm, thanks Wikipedia). But Taub is unconvinced, he thinks that Brandon was poisoned and that the toxins are still in his fat cells and being released slowly as he loses weight due to bad hospital food. House sends Taub to check out Brandon's unsold paintings for clues while Chase preps Brandon for surgery to correct the heart rhythm.
Over at Brandon's warehouse, Taub discovers that his paintings are distorted during the months of the clinical trials, which means that the drugs have been causing the symptoms all along. Turns out, Brandon has a bezoar (I know, I thought those only existed in Harry Potter too), which is essentially a lump of undigested food that is sitting in Brandon's digestive system, or a 'hairball' as House puts it. The bezoar has absorbed some of the pills from the clinical trials and released massive doses of them into his system at inopportune times, causing all of his symptoms. Chase removes the giant ball of crud from Brandon's intestine and tells us that he's never going to let Cameron get a cat for this very reason.
And you shall learn the Truth, and the Truth shall make you mad
Throughout this entire episode, House tries to get Taub to confess to his wife that he cheated on her. Sherlock discovers that Taub's wife has been keeping a super secret bank account all to herself, and she has been making cash deposits into it for over a year. Initially Taub doesn't want to find out what the super secret bank account is for. He's fine with his relationship not being perfect or even very honest, because he and his wife are happy. But in the end the curiosity (and House's constant badgering) gets to him and he asks his wife about it. She tells him that she has actually been saving up to buy him a car as a surprise present. Then Taub feels guilty because he is a big fat cheater, and frankly does not deserve a car. He should take the bus. In the end, just as his wife presents him with a super nice Porsche convertible Taub gives in and says "We need to talk...". I think those are probably the four scariest words in the English language.
This week we are treated to more amazing House/Sherlock quick wit and shenanigans. Things we find out in this episode, thanks to Sherlock:
· Thirteen is paying 12% on a car loan and may or may not be bisexual.
· Dr. Kumar is in the Guinness book of world records because he crawled twenty miles.
· Taub's wife has a secret bank account that she has been making cash deposits into.
· House was a cheerleader in college.
The Dynamic Duo teams up to try and get some dirt on Cuddy, but she is way too smart for them and sees right through their plans. Unfortunately for House, Sherlock is kind of sweet on Cuddy, and also seems to have the moves with the ladies (in a semi-creepy, semi-sweet sort of way). The two have a nice little lunch date and there is some flirting. I'm very interested to see where this goes in the next few weeks.
Sherlock (to Cuddy): "Nice Shoes."
House: " You don't like her shoes, you like her legs."
Sherlock: "It sounds less creepy if you say shoes."
House: "Less creepy, more gay."
Sherlock: "That's my firm's motto!"
House: "I know 'heart' and 'head' start with the same three letters, but you've got to read all the way to the end."
House: "What, He's turning prematurely crimson?"
I'm loving the Lucas stuff. I mean, I've liked Michael Weston since his tiny part in Garden State as the new cop (and he's been good in pretty much everything I've seen him since), but nothing has been as good as his role here and interaction with Hugh Laurie. I normally haven't liked this multi-arc guest stars they seem to bring out every season, but this is definitely different.
I'd shell out a lot of cash to watch them do a live comedy sketch show together. Michael Weston can just pretend he's Stephen Fry or something. Think about it, guys! :P
It's true, they have so much on-screen chemistry. I almost don't miss wilson. Almost.
PATIENT DU JOUR OH NO YOU DID NOT! Well played.
I am confused -- we've known 13 was Possibly Bisexual since like, mid-last-season, have we not?
Lucas/Cuddy = Adorable. I got all squeaky they were so cute.
Oh yes I did. That's how I roll.