Filed under: Recaps & Reviews
Michael enters the office freaking out about wet cement outside and how he wants to leave his mark in it and QUICK EVERYONE WHAT IS HE GONNA PUT IN THE WET CEMENT?!? I had to rewind it like three times to figure out what he was talking about, and not least because I am not used to hearing it called cement. IT IS CONCRETE.
Kevin suggests Michael write in his initials in the CONCRETE, but Michael quickly vetoes this, saying some guy named Mark... Greg... Sputnik will claim credit for it. Kelly brings up Graumann's Chinese Theatre in Hollywood, only not so succinctly. Jim suggests Michael use his face instead of his hands and feet. Michael LOVES this.
Outside, they've wrapped saran wrap around Michael's head and taped a straw to his face so he can breathe. Dwight spreads Vaseline over Michael's face as Jim speechifies about the import of this act. It's quite special. Michael voiceovers that this is really about his grandkids and great-grandkids and his legacy and blah blah blah... Theme song!
Andy and Pregnant Angela are doing Mad Libs, poorly and annoyingly, in the kitchen, as Dwight looks on, unimpressed. Pam, meanwhile, is wearing hideous plastic-framed glasses, likely from the early 90s, and she confesses in an interview that she slept over "at a friend's house" (TOTALLY.) and forgot her contact solution, so she had to wear her back-up glasses. Hot, Pam. Michael comes out of his office and tells Pam they make her look ugly. Jim appears to feel bad for Pam and yet is amused, which is also how I feel.
Brainstorming session in the conference room. Michael talks about energizing, and Jim leans over to Pam and pretends to propose again. She tells him that if he proposes to her in a "Michael meeting," she is totally saying no, and he says that's too bad because he is totally proposing... that she go get him a cup of coffee, to energize him, and also make him the happiest man in the world.
Michael is ostensibly looking for suggestions on how to get the office energized. Somehow, it's suggested that peppier outgoing voicemail messages involving rap might work. Michael likes rap and wants Stanley to help. Stanley just wants to do his freaking crossword, man. He tells Michael to leave him alone, and when Michael doesn't, he's all, "DID I STUTTER." (Episode title!) Ruh-roh. Toby, behind Stanley, looks shocked and unimpressed. Michael is aghast. He leaves to get a drink of water.
Toby, in Michael's office, wants Michael to address what happened with Stanley, but Michael wants to pretend it was just two friends joking around. The reason Toby doesn't understand this is because he doesn't have any friends, see. Also, he's white. Toby recommends asking Stanley about it.
In other news, Andy is selling his Xterra, which he claims is a total chick magnet (because there are always girls driving other Xterras, you see). Dwight is interested and he basically scares Andy into dropping his price $1,500, buys it, and resells it for like $3,000 more than he paid for it. In case this isn't obvious, I'm not really into Dwight, so most of his storylines are small blips on my radar. It happened, it was mildly amusing, and I was glad when it was over. Let's move on.
Michael awkwardly approaches Stanley (that's redundant) and stutters out a messy sort of "We cool, right?" Stanley will not be apologizing to Michael. He tells us in an interview that he told his first wife, his current wife, and he'll tell his future wife, that he only apologizes when he's wrong, and if you don't like it, you can leave.
Dwight org chart Michael discipline Stanley, give Dwight control of the office, blah blah blaaaaahhhhhh. Michael won't give in to Dwight, for once in his life.
Kevin's at Pam's desk, talking about his creepy librarian fantasies. He just wants her to say, "These are due back Thursday." Not happening. As Kevin walks away, Pam uncomfortably takes her glasses off, and then can't see the phone to answer it. Jim gives us a Jim look. Creed interviews about blind jazz pianists. He wants to put a piano in front of Pam and see what happens.
Michael heads down to the warehouse to seek Darryl's advice on how gangs handle these types of situations, i.e., when one of your crew disses you. Darryl tells Michael he's been a member of the Crips, the Bloods, the Latin Kings, the Warriors and... the Newsies. He also tells Michael that, on the streets, they use something called... wait for it... "fluffy fingers." You tickle them and then they start tickling you back and before you know it, you're laughing and hugging and you've forgotten the whole thing and you're going to church together and getting ice cream. Michael is in awe.
Ryan's here again, meeting with Toby. He calls Jim into the conference room and gives him a formal warning about his job performance. Jim laughs it off, and Ryan's all, "Not a joke. I know how you spend your time here." He goes on to detail Jim's practical jokes on Dwight and time spent at reception talking to Pam, and says he knows how little Jim cares about his job. Jim smile fades quickly, and he asks Ryan whether this is about his taking his concerns about Ryan's website to David Wallace. Ryan says that has nothing to do with it; he always appreciates constructive criticism. Here's some, Ryan: Drugs are not doing good things for your facial hair situation.
It quickly becomes clear this is all coming from Toby. Whether this is apparent to Jim remains to be seen, but I'd like to think he's smart enough to figure this one out.
Dwight, meanwhile, is having fun one- or two-upping Andy with his Xterra flip and Mad Libs that are, frankly, way awesomer than Andy and Pregnant Angela's: "A STUPID, IDIOTIC NUMBSKULL named ANDY BERNARD sold his XTERRA to a SMART and CAPABLE man named DWIGHT. This is shaping up to be an AWESOME day for DWIGHT." I really could have done without the creepy pedophilic smirk at the end, though. Typical.
Michael has the brilliant idea to fake fire Stanley to teach him a lesson (a lesson in humility, Michael says). He gets everyone else in on it, even though they're all certain it's a terrible idea. Stanley comes out of the lunch room or bathroom or wherever he was, and Michael goes, "Stanley Hudson. You are fired." Stanley isn't sure whether Michael's being serious, but Michael assures him he is fired. Fired like a heart attack. Stanley lays the smackdown again, some more, flinging lawsuits left and right, and Michael cracks and tells him it was fake. Stanley? Still unimpressed. He lights into Michael, just starts yelling at him about how stupid and incompetent he is, and before long, Michael yells at him to stop and sends everyone else out of the office.
Michael and Stanley stay behind, and right away Michael pulls out the trembly crying voice, saying he doesn't understand why Stanley picks on him. Stanley doesn't respect Michael and says that everything Michael does, he would do the opposite way. Michael gets all that, but says Stanley still can't talk to him the way he did. Stanley: "Fair enough."
Michael's back in his office and doing some terrible, horrible, endless Rodney Dangerfield "no respect" bit. It is never over. Not for years. It just goes on and on and on and on. MUCH LIKE THIS RECAP.