Filed under: Recaps & Reviews
Jake's first one-on-one date is with the much detested Vienna. They go on a helicopter ride to the San Gabriel Mountains before bungee jumping 300 feet .I'm not knocking people who are afraid of heights nor am I claiming to be gung-ho about bungee jumping – but what I am overwhelmingly embarrassed about is the sight of Jake whimpering on the towering bridge as Vienna, who is also afraid of heights might I add, strokes his hair comfortingly as she inevitably thinks, "Isn't he a pilot? Please don't tell me he's crying...FML".
Despite Jake's breakdown, the two conquer their fear together and share a romantic upside-down first kiss. They do seem to have some semblance of chemistry so it's no surprise when she gets a rose...much to the disapproval and contempt of the other girls in the house.
This is even more apparent in the group date, where Cori takes the opportunity to roast Vienna in her stand-up routine. But it doesn't stop here: several of the women then proceed to spend their one-on-one time with Jake, moaning about Vienna. It's the first time I actually feel sorry for Jake who seems exhausted by this cattiness. Sweet Ali gets all mean-girl and toasts Cori's standup (the verbal equivalent of a burn book) and insists on making some sort of anti-Vienna pact. Though the editors have cleverly not shown us any evidence of just what Vienna has done to warrant such animosity, the remaining girls aren't helping the situation by being so petty. Jake seems concerned that Vienna isn't that to defend herself but rest assured, she is also being attacked to her face back at the mansion so it's all good.
I have to give Crazy-Michelle credit here: she refuses to join the pact because she's here for Jake and doesn't want to waste her time griping about other women. It's a little scary when the most insane person in the house has the most logical stance.
However, her rationality is short-lived as she rants to Jake about really wanting to get married. Poor Jake seems more petrified by her testimonial than he did by the bungee jumping and that's saying a lot. Michelle then chooses this moment to ask for kiss and he obliges (mostly because he seems scared she might cut him if he doesn't). She verbalizes her disappointment – it's clearly not the crazy tongue-in mouth, hair-pulling, clothes being ripped off kiss she imagined in her deluded mind. She tells him, in so many words, that the lack of tongue has convinced her to pack her bags...unless he asks to stay. However it backfires as Jakes takes this exact moment to finally grow some stones and tell her that it would be better if she did leave. Zing! She exits with some dramatic music in a van and there is no doubt in my mind that the sun will shine a little less brightly next Monday because she won't be there.
Our bachelor continues to make up for the lack of manliness he exhibited earlier in the episode by not giving out a rose in the group date.
Next, Ella has a cute but boring individual date with Jake at Sea World in which he is introduced to her equally cute but boring son. She is rewarded with a rose. *yawn*
At the rose ceremony, Jake dishes out a power move when he calls Elizabeth out for a being a tease. She completely misreads the entire situation and thinks Jake is upset that he didn't get to kiss her. As Jake patiently explains to her no, he doesn't want to kiss her but doesn't like being told he can't kiss her as she clearly dangles the kissing in front of him like a carrot...she keeps asking him if he wants to kiss her. Sigh.
Vienna interrupts their time like...I dunno, the girls have been known to do in the Bachelor since the dawn of time. But all of a sudden, it's deemed disrespectful and evil and more Vienna-hate is unleashed. Elizabeth is slowly out-crazying Michelle at this point, as she laments to the camera that Jake is pressuring her to kiss him.
Vienna and Ella already have roses. Jake gives out the remaining roses to Gia, Corrie, Tenley, Ali, Jessie (who?), Kathryn and Ashleigh.
This leaves kiss-withholding Elizabeth and some brunette I've never seen before (Valishia) rose-less and out of the running.
Until next time :)
Tags: the bachelor, jake, vienna, michelle, elizabeth, reality tv
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