Filed under: Recaps & Reviews
You know, I was going to just do one post a week, but it turns out I have so much to say that it's easier to break it up into a post each night. I figured rather than edit the life out of my recap, which would take more time than all of this is worth, I'd just post it here for your enjoyment, in all its 1,600-word glory. Here we go...
We intro the girls, all looking a little more generic than the last time we saw them. We intro the judges; nobody has anything interesting to say except Ryan points out that Ellen is on the far left (meaning Randy no longer has an end spot), which Ellen says is because Simon wants her and it's not going to happen. She needs to be as far as possible from Simon's wandering hands.
Our theme tonight is Billboard Hits, and in chronological order:
Paige Miles, whom I don't remember seeing sing until this point. She's doing "It's All Right Now" by Free. She's, well, all right, except for her ending glory note. But she is toast.
Ashley Rodriguez, who likes (and looks like) Jordin Sparks. (Simon, by the way, hates "Battlefield.") She's singing Leona Lewis's "Happy." Way to pick a song no one knows, Ashley Rodriguez. These kids all need mic technique lessons in a big way. Anyway, Ashley has the type of big R&B voice that I can actually stand, but I am not sure that she's interesting.
Janell Wheeler, in a pretty shade of purple, singing "What About Love" by Heart with her velvety voice. Her notes aren't all perfect, but I think she might be the most marketable and relatable of all these girls.
Lilly Scott, she of the platinum grey hair. She's singing "Fixing a Hole" by The Beatles, accompanying herself on guitar. Does it make me a bad music major to say I don't know this song? The performance is very Lilly (yes, she already has a thing, and it's a good thing), and I still think she sounds -- and vibes -- exactly like Ashleigh Ball of Hey Ocean.
Lilly is taller than Ryan.
Katelyn Epperly is also singing The Beatles: "Oh! Darling," which is the correct punctuation according to Wikipedia. Frankly, I think she rocks the shit out of it. This surprises me. She might be one of my favourites now. The judges look similarly stoked.
Ryan asks Katelyn what the word bubble over her head was when Kara commented on her makeover. Katelyn simply says that she's "all over the place" with style and wanted to try this rock look tonight, but Kara thinks Katelyn was word-bubbling "bitch." Oh, Kara. Way to take it to the ugly place.
Haeley Vaughn, with her Blair Waldorf headband and her guitar, is ALSO singing The Beatles. *headdesk* Let's declare a moratorium on the Lennon/McCartney songbook for the season, yeah? So she's got a funky, bass-heavy arrangement going on, which I am onboard with, but I will never, ever be on board with her horrifying vocals. Or the white tights.
Ryan just threw out the word "apoplectic." I'm glad you exist, Ryan Seacrest.
Lacey Brown, with the hair, singing "Landslide" by Fleetwood Mac. THANK YOU. She looks amazing and she sings just oh so good. My gosh. I feel... transcendent. I love everything about her and her voice. I suddenly want her to win.
*deep, deep headdesk* I can't do this. I can't do an entire season of this show. I don't know; should I rewatch it? I must have missed something.
Michelle Delamor, who was invisible in Hollywood, is singing "Fallin'" by Alicia Keys. So much headdesking going on over here tonight. From the first phrase, I hate what she's doing with the song, which already sucks as it is. And yep, her pitch is questionable to start; I thought she'd pick it up as the song went along, but not so much. You want to talk about indulgent, Simon? THIS. Ugh, awful.
Hey, I bet the judges are gonna love it!
Didi Benami, who was my favourite going into tonight, is doing an awesome song: "The Way I Am" by Ingrid Michaelson. She takes some liberties with the melody, a few of which work, a few of which don't. My overall judgment is that I still like her, but other girls were better tonight (LACEY! Katelyn! Lilly!).
Next, the oft questionably dressed, Siobhan Magnus, with Chris Isaak's "Wicked Game." I can only assume she is about to sing the Nouvelle Vague version of such. And I would be wrong; this is most definitely Chris Isaak instrumentation. I find this performance sort of horrifying, in that she is so weird and her voice is so low that I'm never entirely certain that she's not just doing a Chris Isaak impression. I don't know; I think I just don't know where to file this girl.
There is the cutest boy in the audience cheering for Siobhan. Boyfriend? Brother?
Oh, and here Crystal Bowersox is, with some Alanis ("Hand in My Pocket," goody). The thing about Alanis is that in theory, I like her stuff. When she does it. But you know what, Crystal does an acoustic version accompanying herself with just her guitar and harmonica, and I can't deny her talent, or the fact that her teeth look slightly better. Although I can deny her vocal skill.
Sigh, I thought we were done. But no, one more: Katie Stevens. She's doing "Feelin' Good" in the style of Michael Bublé. There is no doubt that her voice is an impressive instrument, but she doesn't do anything for me. It's all a little pageant-y.
And that's the end of the girls. I think Haeley and Michelle should go, but I think Paige and Ashley will go. Or maybe Lacey, since I'm evidently the only person in the universe who thought she was amazing.
Back tomorrow for the boys!