Filed under: Recaps & Reviews
Jake is breaking hearts, burning roses and taking names.
Chris Harrison informs the 9 remaining women that they'll be leaving the mansion *dramatic pause* forever... on a road trip (woohooo). There will be one individual date, one 2 on 1 date and a group date. The 2 on 1 date looms ominously because only one of the women will get a rose – the other will automatically be sent home.
The girls enthusiastically pack up in 2 RV's for their trek up the California coast. We are treated to several gratuitous shots of a leather-clad Jake riding his motorcycle along said coast. Of course ABC probably flew him down early and then made him ride his bike for all of 2 minutes to get those shots. True outdoorsman, that Jake.
Once they reach the campgrounds, they discover that Gia is the lucky recipient of the only individual date of the episode. Though she's a self-proclaimed city girl and not exactly used to roughin' it, she zealously straps on her Christian Louboutins and hops on Jake's bike. Their date is at a romantic vineyard in Santa Ynez and involves the worst game of hide and seek I've ever witnessed. Just a heads up, Gia – wide, open spaces aren't ideal hiding spots. But this isn't the only game they'll play. They reminisce about their adolescent years and Jake tells us that in Grade 9, kids would make fun of him and call him "Mr. Dateless". Wow – if that was the worst thing kids in junior high called me, I'd be laughing. Gia shares that she experienced her first kiss during a game of the spin the bottle which prompts a very awkward game of (you guessed it) spin the bottle. I would point out that playing spin the bottle with two people is a bit futile but I'll let that slide. Because despite all this, the date is actually very cute and Gia proves to be much more likeable than originally anticipated. Naturally, she gets a rose.
Ashleigh, Ali, Corrie, Jessie, Tenley and Vienna are picking for the group date leaving Kathryn and Ella to duke it in the 2-on-1. The group date is actually pretty awesome – if you ignore the number of times Jake awkwardly says "dirty". The gang rev up some dune buggies and try their hand at sand boarding. Ali calls shotgun with Jake stirring up some jealous with Vienna.
"Have your fun with him, because I'm going to marry him. So have your 30 minutes on a dune buggy."
Corrie tries to step out of her shell with Jake but I'm not sure if it's enough. After showering off at the inn, the girls dress up and indulge in some food and drinks. Ashleigh voices over how she would never throw herself at Jake the way some girls do. She achieves this by hiking up her dress, draping herself provocatively over him while stroking his leg and playing with his belt. You show them how it's done, Ashleigh! Jake doesn't really seem to be feeling it and expresses as much to the camera. He invites Vienna to come talk but she declines saying she wants to be the last girl he talks to. The remaining girls, mostly Ali, take offence to this, as per usual. He spends some time with Tenley discussing more of her ex-husband, cheating backstory. Seriously, if this girl doesn't win, she is definitely being set up to be the next Bachelorette. But for now, she gets the sole rose of the group date and is the recipient of some cut-eye from Vienna.
Next up is the ominous 2 on 1 date with Ella and Kathryn. The card from Chris Harrison says ""Two girls, one rose. One stays, one goes." Wrong again, Chris. Like I mentioned last week, Ella is cute but boring but Jake does spend most of the date giving his attention to her. Kathryn notices and complains that she feels like there is a wall between them. The wall does seem to dissipate during the conversation and when he send Ella packing, Kathryn seems relieved. However, her relief is short-lived as Jake sends her home too.
The girls are shocked by this development and realize that Jake is serious about who he keeps around. This is solidified as Jake purposefully burns the rose, making me feel like I'm watching "The Bachelor – the INFERNO".
Tenley and Gia are the only ones safe tonight. Jessie, who has been silent this whole time, decides the rose ceremony is the perfect time to tell Jake how she really feels...about Vienna. He listens attentively and thanks her for looking out for him. Vienna assures him that girls in the house are just too uptight and are threatened by her big personality. I'm not sure whose side I'm on here and from the look on Jake's face, neither is he.
Cue rose ceremony. Ali and her predictable yellow dress receive the first rose. Corrie surprisingly gets the second rose – I guess rolling down a sand dune really does it for Jake. Vienna, Ashleigh and Jessie remain. Jake looks constipated and/or perplexed as he stares at the two remaining roses. He abruptly leaves mid ceremony to find Chris. "I need some advice" he pitifully says. Chris gives him this look like "dude, I'm not your friend. I'm just the host". Jake asks if he has to give out two roses because he's positive that there are two remaining women that aren't for him. Surprisingly, ABC allows this act of autonomy to proceed and to the shock of everyone, Jake gives the rose to Vienna.
Ali fumes, Ashleigh rants and I've come to the conclusion that Jake is turning into Ronnie from Jersey Shore: "I cut girls quicker than barbers do".
Watch me and my fellow panelists dicuss the latest episode here:
Awesome, I love your recaps! I shamefully watch The Bachelor, but I have to say that this is the best season of the show I remember. Who knew Jake would be the first bachelor to have some balls and show some character? Boring, vanilla Jake??? Shocking.
Although not always shocking in a good way. My jaw hit the floor when he called Vienna's name. Team Ali all the way!
(Although I really think Tenley is his best match.)