The Amazing Race 13: You're Gonna Get Me Killed

Filed under: Recaps & Reviews

Ah, yes. Moscow. We're still here. Did you know it's the largest city in Europe? I didn't. Thanks, Phil.

Dallas & Toni, leaving first, are sent to a retired nuclear submarine, where they will search the ship for an actor who was in The Hunt for Red October (not Sean Connery, sadly); he will hand them their next clue.

They have to draw their taxi driver a crude picture of a submarine; somehow, the guy figures it out right away. Ken & Tina also resort to Pictionary, though Tina's drawing is much clearer. Their driver is less convincing, though: "We'll find it," he says in Russian.

Nick & Starr and the Rats also get underway. The Rats interview that it would be a miracle for them to make it to the final three, and I'm inclined to agree. Please don't prove me wrong.

The three lead teams are let into the submarine at the same time and begin their... hunt... for Red October guy... Sorry. The all find him at the same time and rip their clue, which sends them to the Graveyard of Fallen Monuments, or Park Iskusstv if you're Russian.

The Rats bring up the rear, and they didn't keep their taxi from before, so they try to hail a dump truck in the street and for their troubles, they get faces full of puddle water. However, they do eventually luck out with a rare English-speaking driver.

Nick & Starr get to the "graveyard" first, and find the Roadblock.

Roadblock: Solve Clues

The task is a little tricky: the Roadblocker must count the number of statues of Lenin (6) and Stalin (2) in the park (they are given the Cyrillic spelling of each name to assist), then combine these two numbers to get "62." They'll take a cab to a shop and deliver the number to the shopkeeper. If they're right, they get a book, but if they're wrong, they have to wait ten minutes before trying again. Once they get the book, they have to figure out they're to look on page 62 to find information on their next destination, author Mikhail Bulgakov's apartment building, where they'll get their next clue. Phew. That's exhausting just typing about it.

Nick will take it for his team. Toni & Dallas arrive second, and Toni is exhausted so she suggests Dallas take the Roadblock. The editors make very sure to show us that she hands him the Official Race Fannypack, with his passport inside it, and then she heads off to the designated waiting area (which turns out to be at the author's building). If you saw the previews last week, you knew what this meant: someone was going to lose their Fannypack and passport; now we know it can only be Dallas.

The Rats are at the wrong park. You're shocked, I'm sure. So much for the bonus of an English-speaking cabbie.

Nick is making quick work of the task, and before long he meets up with Starr at the apartment building and they pull the next clue, which sends them to Sokol'niky Park, where they're to search for a lady with a Shetland pony. Random.

Tina, Dallas, and Andrew struggle through the Roadblock. Tina takes a couple of guesses and when she gets it right, she helps Dallas out with a tip (he's tried two or three different numbers with no success). When Ken finds out, he isn't thrilled.

Detour: Ride the Rails or Ride the Lines

Ride the Rails entails (hey, I rhymed) taking the Metro to a snack shop, where they'll pick up a pastry with a clue on the wrapper, sending them to another train to a station where they'll find a statue dedicated to the men who created the Cyrillic alphabet, and nearby is a babushka who will give them a postcard in exchange for the pastry, and on this postcard is the name and picture of their final destination for this task, which is another train station, outside of which is the clue. Deep breath.

In Ride the Lines, they take a trolley bus to a keymaker sitting at a little cart, who will give them a key to a bus locker. They'll take another bus to a station, where they'll search for the correct locker. The name/picture postcard will be in there, and they'll take another bus to the last station.

Phil tells us that the Lines are simpler than the Rails, but the buses are slower than the trains. Nick & Starr opt for Ride the Rails.

Ah, but as Dallas arrives at the apartment building, we are graced with a reenactment shot of an Official Race Fannypack sitting on the floor of the backseat of a cab as the door is slammed shut. He realizes his mistake and futilely chases after the cab (or so we are led to believe), but to no avail. He breaks the news to his mom at the clue box, and she remains calm and resolved about it, in typical mom fashion.

Andrew takes a second guess and gets the book. Nick & Starr are, as usual, rocketing through the Detour, though they keep referring to the statue of the Cyrillic dudes as something about "acrylic." Genius.

Meanwhile, Dallas & Toni bum money for the Metro off locals, because it's cheaper than a cab ride; unfortunately they were told in their clue to travel by taxi to the Shetland pony lady, and because they did not, she will not give them their clue when they arrive. Bummer. They head out to find a taxi.

Ken & Tina choose to Ride the Lines (the problem here lies in the fact that they apparently do not know the difference between trolley buses and regular buses).

The Rats have hit their Speed Bump, which forces them to learn a Russian dance routine. Moderate hilarity ensues, but I think the instructor lady gets so frustrated with them that she only makes them try a couple of times before just giving them the clue already.

Dallas & Toni have to take a trolley bus back to the last clue box to get a cab, and some kind locals give them the necessary cash. They seem quite overwhelmed by the fix they've found themselves in, as they sit forlornly on the bus, clutching their packs and gazing into middle space. Oh, the vulnerability of losing your money in a foreign country. That is not an easy thing to overcome. They continue to struggle through, but they look tired.

Buses, trains, dancing, on and on...

Nick & Starr finish the Detour first, and are sent to VDNKh Park, the Pit Stop. I love the ones no one can pronounce! They hit the mat in short order, in first. Again, some more. They win a trip to Anguilla. GOOD GRIEF. Even if they lose, they have enough trips and toys to last them years.

Ken & Tina and the Rats continue on with the Detour, and Dallas & Toni finally manage to get the pony lady to hand over their clue. They choose Ride the Lines, but they need to beg for money to pay their fares. They're very polite about it, and the locals seem to take to them quite strongly.

The Rats get the Pit Stop clue and head over, and Ken & Tina see them and start following. The Rats unbelievably finish in second. Ken & Tina, hitting the mat seconds after them, are told that they did not pick up the clue at the end of the Detour and they must go back. Phil has to explain to them in no uncertain terms that they were to find a clue that would tell them to come to the mat, just like every single other leg, but they did not.

For a moment, it seems there could be hope for Dallas & Toni, but sadly (for those of us watching at my house, anyway), Ken & Tina finally locate the clue box at the last train station and they head back to the Pit Stop, well ahead of the broke, exhausted, passport-less mother and son. Ken & Tina are informed they will be racing in the finale. Tina needs a lot of validation, and that's all I'll say about it.

And then, in the saddest scene of the season, Phil meets Dallas & Toni at one of the transit stations on their route and tells them the other three teams have checked in and that they are eliminated. Sadface. At this moment, the two of them are the physical embodiment of the sadface, really. I will miss them; their adorable little family with her mom glasses and his giant manhair. Their post-leg interview, in which they both cry, is just precious.

And then, the requisite "we're gonna WIN" soundbites from the three finalist teams. Please win, Nick & Starr. Gucci Jewelry (Or... not? Who are you rooting for?)

Tags: the amazing race, amazing race, tar, phil keoghan

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Original Comments Posted (3)

Sarahm says...

I am so sad about Toni & Dallas. They were my favorites. If the Rats win I'm never watching this show again...or something.

Dec 1, 2008 2:06pm

fujitam says...

I agree with Sarah, was so sad to see Toni and Dallas go, loved the romantic side story with him and Star and I just loved them both as people. Even when they hit major obstacles in this episode they never turned on each other. Just good peeps. I hope Dallas and Star get together after the show. The only ones I am going to be rooting for next week are Nick and Star, they have had their moments, but they have been fun to watch, not painful like the Rats (love the nickname btw Ariana!!) and mean like Tina and Ken.

Dec 2, 2008 3:05pm

Ariana says...

Thanks -- not sure if you read the recap where it started, but it all began with a typo! Haha.

Dec 7, 2008 1:34am

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