Filed under: Recaps & Reviews
The teams are leaving late at night to Almaty, Kazakhstan, so Nick & Starr and Toni & Dallas find a hotel with some helpful concierges to research flights online for them. Starr and Dallas flirt the whole time, but I can't decide if it's cute or sad. Dallas says he does realize the race is the priority, and he figures if he wins a million dollars then at least he can pay for dinner.
At the airport, teams scramble for tickets, and Nick & Starr, Toni & Dallas and Ken & Tina all get on the earliest flight out. Terence & Sarah get on a flight an hour and a half behind the three lead teams, but the Rats miss out on tickets and are stuck on an even later flight. Everyone's taking different routes all over Europe, so I think it's safe to say they'll be a little tired when they arrive in Kazakhstan.
Their destination in Almaty is a chicken farm, where they'll search the grounds for their next clue. Unfortunately for anyone in front, the place doesn't open until 7:30 a.m. Even the Rats manage to make it there just before the place opens.
Roadblock: Search for Golden Egg
This requires searchin among 30,000 chickens for one of seven golden eggs. Gross.
But wait! There is also a Fast Forward! The task is to find a particular restaurant (filled with lots of half-naked dancing ladies) and eat a traditional Kazakh dish, which they aren't told just yet is made of meat taken from sheep's bums. Deeeeeelish.
Nick & Starr and Terence & Sarah both head for the Fast Forward, while the other three teams choose to stay and do the Roadblock. Andrew, Toni and Tina suit up in their pseudo-hazmat suits and head in. Their partners cheerlead them from the sidelines, also in the suits. It's kind of an awesome look. Toni is the first to locate her golden egg.
The next clue tells them to search the chicken farm for a group of giant crane trucks (...random), then take one to the Koktobe Arch, where they'll follow a path to a group of Mongol warriors and wait for their next clue to arrive, Phil says.
Over at the Fast Forward, Nick & Starr hit the restaurant just ahead of Terence & Sarah. They all order their dishes, with Starr commenting in an interview that she saw on the bottom of the menu that it described what was in the dishes, but she was so not looking at that until after she'd eaten it. And as for Terence, well, he's a vegetarian. Enjoy your sheep bum meat! I'll be honest, even if the food was tasty, that's a bigass plate they've got to finish.
Toni & Dallas find their warrior and wait for the clue, which is being delivered to them via hawk. Okay, that's cool. And here we have our Detour.
Detour: Play Like Mad or Act Like Fools
Play Like Mad doesn't matter because no one picks it. But if they had, if would require them to find a museum of folk music, and once there, learn a simple tune on two traditional Kazakh instruments. Once they learned the song to their instructor's satisfaction, they would be sent out to a nearby square, where they would busk until they earned the equivalent of $1.50.
In Act Like Fools, teams cab to a children's puppet theatre and find the wardrobe department, where they'll put on a two-person cow costume (no, Phil is not kidding. Phil doesn't kid, not about cows) and wander the streets to find a particular milk stall, where they must drink a glass, the bottom of which is marked with their next destination: a meat market. There, they'll find a marked butcher stall, where the butcher will give them their clue.
Over at the disgusting food Fast Forward, Starr is rocking it out like a true badass, while Terence is losing it. He & Sarah cut their losses and head out. Nick & Starr finish and head to the Pit Stop.
The Rats, in their crane truck, are very, very lost. Were the drivers not briefed on where they were going, or do they just not care? Dan & Andrew work very hard to completely demolish any and all relations between the United States and Kazakhstan as they get very frustrated at all the mean, mean people on the street who won't talk to them or give them directions. Hey, morons. Maybe they don't speak English? Just a thought. Or maybe you smell; you were just in a room with 30,000 chickens.
Nick & Starr arrive at the Pit Stop, very much in first. Again. Some more. They win Wave Runners.
Toni & Dallas start getting dressed in their cow costume, but Dallas thinks the udder is a bladder. Enh, close enough, I guess. Ken & Tina get in theirs. The butts are Toni and Ken, if you're curious. Dallas figures if they're going to do this, they might as well just give 'er, so he yells "MOO!" a whole lot as they walk down the street, and the locals are highly entertained.
It becomes a comedy of errors quite quickly, as first Toni & Dallas blow right past the milk stand. Then Ken & Tina find it right away and drink their milk, but they miss the part where the clue is on the bottom of the glass and are sure they've found the wrong milk stand when the guy doesn't have a clue to hand them. Dallas & Toni come up as they're leaving and they drink their milk and are similarly confused until Toni suggests they reread the clue and Dallas figures out where it is. After Ken & Tina ask some locals where the street corner is, they realize they had the right stand in the first place, so they go back and realize where the clue is. They read it, but then Tina asks what they do with the cow costume, and Ken tells her they have to return it before they go to the meat market. *headdesk* They return their costume even as they second-guess themselves, but they still don't reread their clue. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE? How hard is it to take the clue out of the fanny pack and read it? Seriously.
Dallas, still mooing, leads his mom to the meat market and the butcher stand. They rip their clue and are directed to the Pit Stop, which is at a place called Old Square, a public plaza in the old part of the city. They are supposed to bring their cow costume to the Pit Stop. On their way out of the market, they run into a non-cow-bedecked Ken & Tina and ask where their get-up is. Ken & Tina realize their mistake, but try to get their clue anyway. The butcher won't give it to them.
Ken & Tina re-costume and head back to the market. The Rats arrive at the theatre shortly after and get dressed. They decide to leave their shoes behind to pick them up later. There is no end! Why is everyone so stupid this episode? Is it the long, many-legged flights I mentioned before? They're all so very confused.
Dallas isn't so confused, but he is being a huge dork this leg, and frankly I am charmed. If only his hair wasn't so tall. He & Toni hit the Pit Stop in second and are very excited.
Ken & Tina finally get their clue from the butcher and Tina suggests a cab, but Ken actually realizes that the clue said to go on foot. Ten points! And third place to you, too!
The Rats are lost, but that's pretty much their default setting anyway. Terence & Sarah get a brown and white cow costume, unlike everyone else's black and white. The two teams are fighting it out for last place, and both have enlisted the help of locals. The problem is that the Rats have found a cab driver to help them, and even though he takes them to the milk stand and the butcher's on foot, they then get in his cab to head to the Pit Stop. My head, it has a big dent in it from hitting my desk so many times tonight. They check in and they're the fourth team to arrive, but of course they are sent back to the end of the Detour and told to come back on foot. This could cost them their usual second-from-last place!
On their way to the Pit Stop for the second time, the Rats are missing their shoes, and then they start fighting like a couple of eighth-grade girls, about who has more or less patience or something; all I know is they say "dude" a whole lot. Unfortunately, even with all their ridiculous mistakes, the Rats manage to check in and they're still in fourth.
Terence & Sarah arrive last. Will it be non-elim? Phil draaaaaaaaags out his pronouncement, and as soon as he hits the "sorry" in "I'm sorry to tell you," Sarah's lets out a plaintive cry of "Nooooo!" Just when they started to be tolerable, they're gone, and we're stuck with the Rats for another week. If they manage to second-from-last place themselves right into second place, I'm going to... I don't know what. Recap about it, I guess.
Next week: I couldn't tell you; CTV didn't play the scenes.
They were fighting liike 13 year old girls. I wanted to smack them. And when they were fighting about Andrew or Dan walking slower? "No, you walk at my pace!" "This is about the team!" It would have been funny if it wasn't so annoying.
I find Dallas endearing also. The hair could be cut.